Breaking News from the Onion

Terry Gilliam Barbecue Plagued By Production Delays

LONDON—A backyard barbecue hosted by director Terry Gilliam was postponed again Sunday due to production delays. "I had a special grill flown in from Fiji, but it took three weeks to figure out how to light it," Gilliam said of the 20-foot, volcano-shaped propane grill he'd deemed integral to the Tiki-themed event. "Then, just when I had the menu hammered out, Johnny [Depp] got sick, and I had to push the date back again. See, the whole thing was for his birthday in June." In spite of the continued delays, party guest Elvis Mitchell predicted that the event will be "visually stunning" and "fun."

PHILLY FILM FEST: THE DESCENT

Dir. Neil Marshall

As far as bloody-knuckle terror goes, Neil Marshall's THE DESCENT is a fabulous joyride for those who don't mind getting their creep on. Like DELIVERANCE crossed with C.H.U.D., Marshall's follow-up to the highly-regarded but little-seen DOG SOLDIERS follows a group of plucky females on one of those "just-another-cave-exploring-adventurous-daytrips" that goes completely apeshit when they stumble upon some flesh craving humanoids. Toss aside the half-assed exposition and meager character development; Marshall's strongsuit is the slow build, and whether it's the film's exquisite claustrophobia, the wondrous "just dark enough" cinematography, or the grand guginol finish that gets Sigourney Weaver's Ripley-prototype all subterranean on ya, it's easily the year's best shriekfest. If Lions Gate let's this British export out of the bag for a stateside release, I smell sleeper hit.